Goals for 2018:
1. Driving - After my last car accident (in October 2015) I practically stopped using my car and I lost many clients.
-> Meet with my father and practice in Łódź, Pabianice and Zgierz.
-> Or: Meet with Kamil and buy 4-5 driving classes
-> Renew my driver's license in October 2018
2. Embarrassing myself in front of women. - Ok, I have no idea how to do it. It is truly a talent the way I can embarrass myself in front of people I'm attracted to. It's so funny that people find me intimidating when in fact most of the time I am a nervous wreck. No wonder 98.5% of my ''friends'' are guys. I just don't really care about their opinion. My SA isn't helping me at all.
-> Stop avoiding women even if I have ''nothing'' to talk about with them. (start with people I feel most comfortable with) [January - April 2018]
-> My main problem here is that whenever I see someone I find attractive/=I'm attracted to, I go out of my way to avoid them because the thought of talking to them makes me so nervous I literally can't control myself. I know that I'll say/do something incredibly stupid/rude and I won't be able to focus on the conversation because I'll constantly be thinking about something else. Not to mention the fact that in these situations I act like someone with some serious problems. 🙄 There's also a big possibility that they'll assume I hate them or I'm not interested in talking with them. So my goal is to start talking with this kind of people (after accomplishing the first step). I give myself 3-4 months to ''prepare''. [April/May-...2018] This part will also help me feel more comfortable around some of my clients.
3. Busy social places
4. Speaking English (mostly when I know someone is from the US)
-> language exchange meetings in Łódź/Wrocław (I have to avoid people who speak Polish.)
-> Accent Reduction Therapy with American native speakers via Skype.
-> Make at least 2 new ''friends'' from the US and meet with them outside the pub at least once a week.
5. Commitment - Right now I don't really see any problem with that one but it still terrifies me. Longer-term relationships/... aren't for me anyway.
6. Being in the same place next month/year. One of the reasons why I stopped celebrating my birthday and hate New Year's Eve.
-> Meet new people (entrepreneurs, CEO's, managers, polyglots, neuroscientists...). Attend meetings and conferences.
-> Start my new business
-> Stop wasting my time on permanent problems
-> Learn to better recognize opportunities
-> Stop being a perfectionist
-> Stop procrastinating
-> Start using The5SecondRule on a daily basis. It used to have a tremendous impact on my productivity and overall progress.
-> Learn a new sport (I have to try: calisthenics, snowboard, swimming, skiing, martial arts, capoeira (?), tennis)
-> Visit new places (new pubs/restaurants/clubs)
-> Start competing in IFBB (It'll have a big impact on my career) + contact the PT from Gdańsk
-> Move abroad (Czech Republic for 6 months?)
-> Take progress photos
-> Attend new courses (Currently I mostly focus on online courses)
-> Start lifting again and improve my physique. (Do something with my health problems first.)
8. Hairdressers (they always ''know better'')
-> Find a good salon (reviews&photos)
-> Find a really good stylist
9. Kids under 5 years of age - Again, it doesn't affect my life (at all). I don't see any point in changing it. I'm just aware of this ''fear''? I don't even know how to call it. I simply feel incredibly uncomfortable when they're around me.
10. I hate when people know too much about me. Most of the time I start avoiding them after our 2nd/3rd meeting. What am I supposed to talk about with them, anyway? Thank god, I don't have this problem with my clients.
I have a few in no particular order, and will work through them.. Some of these will have to be faced with Exposure Therapy. Exposure therapy is a process in which I expose myself to the fear in small steps.
♣ Heights - ET progressively expose myself to heights, (I can climb castles and sometimes I'll gradually get closer to the egde and hold onto the railing very tightly, and can sometimes look right over the edge so I'm getting used to it)
♣ Spiders - ET expose myself to pictures of spiders and get used to them and over time, will expose myself to staying in a room with a small spider in and eventually to the point where I'll be okay in a room with big spiders. I'm not keen to touch one but I am willing to get close.
♣ Thunder - Cuddle with my favourite Eeyore teddy and maybe my partner and be around someone and talk to them as the thunder is happening.
♣ Failure - Learning about expectations and lowering mine. I don't have to be perfect.. in fact no one is and by learning to lower my expectations, I'll be more happy when I do achieve the smaller things, and not worry so much about everyone else's high expectations. It's my life, not theirs, I live it my way, and if they aren't happy with that they can look the other way.
♣ Vomiting - ET learn what my avoidance habits are for this (so I may avoid certain foods or situations becauseof fear of vomiting) and expose myself to perhaps sights of vomiting and learn relaxation tips.. http://www.anxietycoach.com/emetophobia.html
♣ Blood (human blood, I'm okay with animal blood.. I know, strange) - ET (this one will be hard because I faint as well when I see blood and feel sick, so will need to work on fainting first and vomiting fear) But just like the others, read medicial leaflets on fear of blood and expose myself to others when they have a small cut and relax and try breathing exercises, I'll have to see how I go from there.
♣ Fainting - Learning to tense my muscles and raise my blood pressure so it's harder to faint.
♣ Death/Dying - Learning about Deathand learning about Religious beliefs. I don't just want death to be the end and that's it and maybe that's why so many people believer in some kind of religion, to hope there is something more after we die.
♣ Pregnancy/Giving birth - Learning about childbirth, and obviously when the time comes I'll learn breathing and relaxation tips
♣ Busy social places - ET (I've got used to being in our local high street on a Saturday and Sunday, I started off by going out on an evening at a quiet time with my bf starting late when it was dark and gradually bringing the time of going out down so I went earlier and earlier on an evening) Expose myself to places where crowds will be lower and work my way up over time and different days.
♣ Going out on my own - ET Start by going out my front door alone and letting myself feel the fear and rate it on a scale and aim to go back inside only when my fear level reaches at least half of what it began with. Gradually expose myself to the building front door, and then to a bench nearby and eventually to the local high street and the park.
Driving - I will visualize a calm and uneventful drive when I think about driving that I need to do. Sometimes there may be issues like road closures or flat tires or even, rarely, fender benders. I can deal with these issues just like I have in the past. Anything worse is unlikely to happen and I will address those issues when they come up.
Also unfortunately sideways.
I found that these all fell into one of these three categories: Things I needed to face; things I needed to change; and things I needed to accept.
1. Realizing my full potential - FACE - Just keep trying despite the fear, because it'll be worth it.
2. Rape - ACCEPT/CHANGE - Work with Dr. Boyajian to challenge this fear. Also getting in better shape will help.
3. Remembering what happened AND
4. NOT remembering what happened - ACCEPT - Work with Dr. Boyajian on putting this to rest. I need to become comfortable with not remembering everything.
5. Failing or giving up on my next exercise plan - FACE - Just try! Keep going! Not starting is just as bad!
6. Lemon becoming obese - CHANGE - Adjust lifestyle to increase Lemon walks.
7. What I'll do when Mom and Dad move to NC - FACE - See what happens. Look at moving before or around that time.
8. Relapse - ACCEPT - Accept that this is a valid fear but I can - and do - actively work to prevent it.
9. Never doing anything with my life - FACE - Try and see what happens.
10. Dating - FACE - Do it more often, gather positive experiences.
11. Sex - FACE - Be picky, do it with the right person, don't do it unless I want to.
12. Being alone on Christmas - FACE - Realize there will always be people to spend it with, even if it's different.
13. Losing a pet - FACE - This will happen someday. Have a good support system.
14. Being seen for what I feel I am - CHANGE - Work on self-image - it's getting better!
15. Bugs - ACCEPT - Be scared (can't help it) but acknowledge the fear.
16. Heights - ACCEPT - ""
17. Not being good enough - CHANGE - Stop believing there's such a thing as "good enough"
18. That people will know I'm bad/broken/rotten inside - CHANGE - Work on getting rid of these beliefs.
19. Not being able to handle everyday life - ACCEPT - See "Relapse", above.
20. Being pretty - FACE - See what happens. I think I might like it.
21. Suicide - ACCEPT - See "Relapse", above.
22. Hurting my knee again - FACE - Have to exercise anyway and hope it's okay. Get actual medical help if I hurt it again.
23. That no one believes me - CHANGE - Surround myself with supportive people and work on confidence.
24. Regaining all the weight - CHANGE - Exercise and diet!!!
25. People seeing me exercise - FACE - Lose some weight before returning to the gym.
1. Spiders- Try to understand it is irrational.
Flying-overcome my total and utter fear of flying!
Get over my fear of heights-seperate from flying.
I have five pretty rational (albeit petty) fears, and while I'm going to try and face all of them, I don't know if it'll be completely possible...