Finally flew on a airplane. Down to Dallas, Texas. I was nervous... took me a min to acknowledge that the feeling of the pilot turning the plane was not it getting ready to crash. Mom managed to sleep all the way through it. Think I might be able to do it again.
Ik overwon mijn angst voor spreken voor een groep mensen door een workshop bullet journaling te geven. Het was fantastisch en ik kan niet wachten tot de volgende!
I ate a fish eye in Laos.
I overcame my fear of open air sky lifts in whistler
I semi overcame my fear of jumping off rocks in January/Feb 17
I overcame my fear/great anxiety of navigating trains in Europe.
Just about all of my fears live inside my head. Most of the things I'm afraid of are stories told and retold in a constant, endless, monotonous loop. From me to me. Oddly, the real things that most people end up on the news for take up far less room in my brain. There's little I can do about random terrorist attacks, so I focus on ways to avoid my annoying neighbour. I can't change the economy and He Who Must Not Be Named is set to be president in a few short days, so I'll worry about not living up to my full potential instead (whatever that may be - it's the great unknown!).
In lucid moments, I see through my fears for what they really are - stories - but the rest of the time I'm their eager captive; ready to drink every ounce of cool aid I'm given. And this is the great tragedy. So much energy wasted on paper tigers. F#@k!
I come from a family that never talked openly about anything, truly - nothing. There was a lot of negativity, anger and immaturity. It was tough. I didn't even know how bad it was until I got older and saw with new eyes that other families can be loving and kind.
And that's when my heart broke, realizing that we could have been different, that we could have supported each other rather than cutting each other down. I'm constantly wondering who we'd be now if we'd been those people. Of course it would have required my parents to have been raised differently by their parents, and on and on.
So now I'm unpacking all the dysfunction I learned as a child and disposing of them. Can dysfunction ever be totally discarded? Or does it leave a mark no matter how much you scrub?
I'm learning to let go of emotions a lot faster than before. It's simply breathing it out. Most of my anger and frustration comes from holding onto emotions long after the moment's passed. Sometimes years later. And I'm learning that it works for good feelings too. This makes me excited!
In truth I don't know how to overcome fears except to go through them one by one. Frost said, "The only way out is through." So I keep going through without any real feel of whether I'm doing it right. Regardless, I still feel like this is the right way to go. I've tried everything else - ignoring, pretending like everything's okay, suffering endlessly and causing others to suffer. None of this worked. All of this is high-falutin' talk, possibly to avoid facing my fears, of which I have many, many.
There's always an excuse to not walk all the way through a fear - I have too many disadvantages (others would disagree), or, and this the Big One, I'm just not good enough.
How do you get to the place of feeling or, even better, knowing that you're deserving of everything that everyone else deserves? My heart cracks a little every time I think about this, which is why I avoid going to this place. It hurts too much.
I feel slightly more vibrant and outgoing, only slightly though. I can't expect to be a completely different person in one go, but this is exactly what I want deep down - with one snap I'm a new person who embraces life with a dazzling smile and wide open arms.
I've never been this person. I remember this poem I once read that kept saying 'one step, one step.' So... I'm going to celebrate the small victories until it becomes one sensational party.
Shoot a gun. Still fearful
I don't know where to start. One thing that came up for me just now is speaking up and asking for what I want. This has been a life long struggle. Even at places like Starbucks I have a hard time asking for everything I want. Just now I wanted to tell the Barista making my drink to make it at a lower temperature. But I didn't because... I'm not really sure. Because I don't want to ask for too much is probably the honest reason. I know how this sounds - why shouldn't I get exactly what I want when I'm paying for exorbitantly priced drinks. And yet... I imagine people would be put out if I ask for too much. Who am I to ask and expect more?! Spoiler alert: I'm female.
I will be thrilled out of my pantsuit when I overcome this fear.
August 31, 2014
Task#18. Overcome one fear.
A few weeks ago, I have a second thought if I will have my demonstration teaching or not. I'm afraid to face my students. I always think those "what ifs". What if they will not listen to me? What if I will make a mistake? What if I will not achieve my objectives? What if....What if..Feeling unsettled about it.
As days passed, I saw myself preparing. Trying to settle everything. I just whispered to myself "Kaya mo yan! Kung kaya ng iba dapat mas kaya mo!" And one thing more, mas lalong walang matututunan ang mga estudyante ko if I will not take risks.
I have overcome that fear kasi kailangan kung hindi ako ang matatalo. I'm now prepared for next week and whatever the result may be, I know I will learn something from it.
Well, this is a pretty big one for me, I've been flying pretty much every year since I was born. My first flight was at 8 months old and yet, I'm still absolutely terrified of flying. On 23rd April this year I'll be flying from London airport to New York, we'll see how i goes.
Also I didn't take this photo, my pal Devon did.