1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
If I didn't know I was 20, I feel like I would be in my thirties, maybe forties. I've been around too many adults that have molded me to be old fashioned.
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
For me, it would be failing...just the feeling of failing is overwhelming...being a perfectionist does that to you.
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
This is very personally based, depending on the person. I do a lot of things that I like and don't do things I don't like because I have that opportunity and have made good life choices. Sometimes, I guess it all depends on where you stand in life. If you aren't easily satisfied, it's hard to find enjoyment in the things you do. Obligation is another part of it.
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
I'm not sure yet. I have barely begun my life. Perhaps...perhaps not. I feel like I can go anywhere if I set my mind to it.
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
Intolerance...my entire family is homophobic, and it makes me sick to hear some of the things they say...why can't we all just love and respect one another?
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
Doing what I love: making art. Art means the world to me, and I would love to be rich on making the world more colourful.
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
I always try to do what I believe in...what's right for me and for everyone else.
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
Well, since I would be halfway through my life, I would be a little more focused on settling down and having a family with lots of kids.
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
Depends. I haven't been able to control all the shit with my biological father...but I have made good choices...I've done lawful, and with that, I am pleased with myself.
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
Doing the right things, definitely. I would never have the desire to do things right if it means giving up my moral values.
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
Then I wouldn't respect and admire them, now would I? I would stick up for my friend and chastely leave their presence.
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
Never lose your imagination.
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
Depends on the situation. Saving their life? Maybe... Saving the from being put in prison? No.
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
To me, most insanity IS creativity...
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
The way I see the world. I'll look at something and get this instant vision of inspiration. I see things in the world that not many people could see...that people would call me out of my mind or overly imaginative for seeing.
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
Happiness is a fragile thing. To love someone...to believe in something...there will always be someone who doesn't like it because it isn't THEIR belief or it makes THEM look bad...
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
I want to learn how to play the violin...what's holding me back is money.
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
Maybe I am...but I feel that I can let go of it when I feel I am ready to. Or when I discover what it is.
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
England. I would love to live there because it feels as though it is much richer in culture and intrigue than where I live. If I could take my best friend with me, I would have no reason to live where I do right now.
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
No and no.
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
A worried genius. Perhaps the worry comes from too much knowledge. I already experience anxiety from the stuff I know.
22. Why are you, you?
Because I was meant to be this way. It is my destiny to be me and nobody else.
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
I think so. I try to be accepting and loving of everyone. I may not be the prettiest, but I have a lot of love and advice to give.
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
When a good friend moves away...it's the most painful thing friendship wise when it happens...because in the end, you usually just lose touch with them, too.
25. What are you most grateful for?
My family, my closest friends, and my talent in art.
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
...I honestly don't know if I could answer that...
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
When you can hear the sincerity in someone's voice...see it in their eyes...there's no need to challenge it.
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
No, I can't say it has...if it was, I would be dead.
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
It was a big part of my life...of course it matters. If it didn't matter, I still would have had to go to my biological father's...I probably would have ended up dead.
30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
All the times I spent with my mom and daddy. I was a kid, I didn't know what abuse was or a 'biological father' or anything like that...after I turned 6, everything went downhill...my mom divorced my daddy and got into an abusive relationship...stuff I, too, had to deal with...I wasn't able to enjoy my childhood after that.
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
Sitting in the art room, making what I love, and learning...it's an amazing experience for me.
32. If not now, then when?
If not now, then whenever I have the opportunity...I will never say 'never'.
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
Money, time...that kind of stuff.
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
No. Honestly, I would rather have someone talk to me, even if they're mad at me, that to receive silence from them.
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
Because said religions try to shove their beliefs down the throats of others...the bigots, the hypocrites...the list goes on.
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
Without a doubt? Absolutely not. There are morals, sure, but when do morals and obligations separate? Is someone REALLY evil if they kill or take something for the greater good? One would call them evil, another would call them a hero.
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
If I was to have a job I enjoyed, then no. But the temporary job I did have, hell yeah.
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
More work I enjoy doing. Being productive is awesome.
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
Yeah. That happens all the time. Crazy déjà vu stuff.
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
I don't recall. I usually don't force things I believe in on other people, aside from gay rights...I guess with my parents...and the unknown that I was going to be accused of all kinds of shit...stuff I didn't expect.
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
My daddy, grandparents, my best friend, and my boyfriend.
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
Yes. The quality of life is better that the quantity to me...but then again, this is LIFE EXPECTANCY we're talking about...that's just how long you're EXPECTED to live.
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
Truly living is where you are happy with your life choices and enjoying what you can.
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
In most cases I do...when I can get over the idea that 'I'm going to be punished less if I don't tell the truth, that will be the time.
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
Mistakes are human nature, but in some cases, people are raised to strive to be the best. Some mistakes even come with consequences, and we do not wish to partake in the consequences that come from our mistakes.
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
I would tell my best friend that I'm in love with her and sweep her off her feet. I would be very openly bisexual.
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
When I read this post.
48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
I love art...everything I do openly expresses my artistic inclination.
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
Probably not...but the little things are what make days stand out. There will be some powerful memories made, even if it wasn't any of those days.
50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
I guess in between. Most in which are for myself, others in which my parents do. They decide on my insurance, their levels of satisfaction with me, the option to keep myself in the closet....
(less)December 29th, 2012: I was able to draw out and get my very first tattoo. I cried in joy when I seen it, and it didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would!
